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31 March 2017 @ 07:09 am
Wallow in that Hole  
*slides onto the floor*

I love when my self-worth falls into a hole to like... never return. I woke up incredibly depressed today and just miserable with myself (although I can still fake I'm a normal person) and when I sort of... rant about it on a forum, I suddenly get "Hey, I can be an outlet to you."

Like... no... I'd rather.. just stay depressed okay. It's not like I'm an exceptional human being who is worthy of redeeming myself and shit. Just let me wallow in my self-hatred and zero self-esteem. I'm sure in a couple months I'll be alright.

Or I won't, but who cares.

Besides, just all of the sudden talking to a person like.. I've already determined I cannot make internet friends for the life of me. Everyone that I meet only gives a shit about themselves and not really about me or what I deal with, so what's the point.

Just ugh. I'll say it again: living is hard.
 
 
 
theglassunicorn on April 2nd, 2017 06:22 am (UTC)
Please don't take this the wrong way, but do you get bothered when someone tries to sympathize when you rant? I don't know how your conversation went with the forum people but when someone offers to be an "outlet" to you, I'm sure their intentions were well-meant. It's like, their way of saying you're not alone. (And wouldn't you feel better than say, someone who posts something on a forum for others to read and they don't get a single reply at all? Not even from a troll? Honestly I think that's much more depressing.)

But then again, I have also encountered people who offered to be "a shoulder to cry on" but then they proceed to talk about only their problems without listening to mine. Or it's just a blank nod that you get from them. I hate that too, if that's what you're talking about. People hardly ever mean what they say anymore. It's hard to find someone authentic. Yeah, living is pretty hard, especially making friends.
(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*: ・゚✧bluecherrybomb on April 2nd, 2017 08:19 am (UTC)
Hmmm... not, not always tbh. Sometimes it's nice. But I just posted a message in the 'How are you Feeling' thread to get out my thoughts, not really to have someone try and fix me. I've never spoken with the person before when they sent me a message, and I found it very offputting, because I've been on that forum for 2 years, and just now someone wants to 'be an outlet' so I found it very... discomforting, I guess? As in I don't want to start a friendship with someone based on them reading how depressed I was one day, if that makes sense. Just talking to someone to start a friendship on very personal issues (that can disappear in a couple of days) just seems like a bad place to start. I'd rather go through the 'oh, what are your likes' friendship phase than the 'Oh wow, you're severely depressed? Tell me about it!' like whoa, that's like, third date material, not first :V

But yeah, I know what you mean in the latter paragraph. I meet a lot of people who don't care for my feelings and want to rant about their own. Most of my friendships on that forum were like that, so. Definitely a terrible feeling D:
theglassunicorn on April 3rd, 2017 04:53 am (UTC)
Oh for sure, that's definitely not how one forms a healthy friendship ahah. My guess is that people sometimes express themselves wrong when they encounter someone who feels just like them and they say something absurdly intense like "I WILL MARRY YOU" when you say you're lonely. Or they're one of those annoying social justice warriors who get high off of going around and 'fixing' people. Either way, I get what you mean. On a side note, though - do you ever find it that it's sometimes hard to find friends based on shared interests alone? I myself was on a forum years ago and after I posted an introduction, someone didn't appreciate a stupid joke I made and called me an attention whore -.- Bet you can't top that :P
(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*: ・゚✧bluecherrybomb on April 3rd, 2017 11:47 am (UTC)
Whatever it is, I'm not into it. But... ugh, whatever. People...

I find it incredibly difficult to make friends based on interests. It makes sense, I suppose. My way of writing isn't going to match up everyone's, but when you join a forum full of writers you'd think you'd make friends. Then, just, nope.

Ahahaha, I can maybe come close to that tbh. But that's pretty bad like wow.