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09 June 2015 @ 08:25 am
Alfred, Hunter of my Heart  
Not going to lie, anytime someone has ever said "Oh, he's a sweet cinnamon bun, too pure for this world!" I used to get annoyed because seriously? That's the phrasing you want to use to describe someone? Their like a load of sugar that gives you a small high before disappointment? Maybe it's because I hate cinnamon buns. Or because I really hate that tumblresque phrase and mentality towards people. But it always irks me.

So, naturally, I start looking at Alfred, Hunter of Vilebloods and coo that he's a sweet, innocent cinnamon bun, too good for this world. Fuck me. I hate myself so much sometimes. But at the same time...

I really, really like Alfred. And I really wish I had the talent to write something with him. Like, honestly, I do. Because I went back and re-read some of my stuff this morning to see how my writing feels and compares to others and shit is it lifeless. Like fuck me the characters are cardboard cutouts placed into fantasy scenes rendered better than I can describe with the emotion of two dead fish and the complexity of a spoon. It actually full on reminded me yet again WHY my stuff has never been recommended. Because it doesn't offer any depth or feeling to make someone wish to.

I don't know. I want to get better, I really do. Because I would love to expand Alfred's character out since what Bloodborne gives isn't really a good picture. He's a sweetheart and cutie for the two times you interact with him. Then he turns full on psychotic and then kills himself. Like... crimony. There's got to be more to it than that. But nope. And I would love to expand on it and give him more of a study piece but again. How the fuck do you write??? Uggggh.

Besides. Not sure if I'm going to go down and see my horse. I half don't want to because I still am traumatized by the fall but at the same time I can't stay away from her forever. It just makes me a bit queasy thinking about it. Queasy isn't something I want to be around my horse.

Sighs.

Also, side note for myself. If I'm going to write Alfred, I should make it uplifting. It's canon he dies anyways. Not like Siddgeir who needs to have his heart ripped out and repeatedly smashed onto the ground until he's a broken shell. Because fuck you honey. You should never be happy. Alfred should. He deserves it.