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17 February 2016 @ 01:23 pm
Giving Up  
Hm. I went to the counselor yesterday and we talked about how I've given up over the years. She told me she deals with a lot of people who over-perform in life to please people but I'm doing the opposite. I'm pushing people away at such a rate because I've given up now on friendship.

She wants me to be happy and wants to get me into talking with people. But I just don't know.

Most of the problems I find with people is that they don't actually care about me or are indifferent when I talk. Since I don't understand people or emotions very well, I don't understand how to carry on conversations. So when the conversation becomes only about one person, I give up because I think they don't care about me. But most of the times I found that to be true. When I talk to a lot of people, they usually ask about what I did on the weekend because they want to tell me what THEY did on the weekend. My part of the conversation is just to listen and congratulate them on being amazing.

But I'm tired of that. Because if I am just there to listen to how awesome everyone else is, they can get a dog or someone else to do that. Not me. Because it's not fair to me having to deal with a one-sided friendship.

I've thought this for a while. Like, the last few years, and I guess right now it shouldn't be a surprise I have no friends. After all, reading stories about people with their friends online does confuse me because I don't understand how they got them. First clue I'm not quite right. Like, how do these people just make friends who talk to them? What is that? So yeah. But right now... I don't know. I do ask myself 'Would my life be enriched with having people to talk to?'. And I doubt it. Because it would never be about me, it would always be about supporting them and how awesome they are.

I dunno. I'm lying down now, not writing or anything, just sort of confused. The world is strange.
「B R A N」: Archer [Sky]sorrowfulskies on February 19th, 2016 06:27 am (UTC)
The world is very strange indeed. Half the time, it makes no sense to me either. I too have been struggling with a few of my friendships. With my friend, Miguel, he feels like he can say whatever to me and I'm not supposed to react negatively at all, then when I do, he asks me what my problem is. We don't get along too well outside of the tv shows we watch and games we play. He's too blunt and I'm to sensitive. It's not easy at all having a friendship with him, nor do I really understand him. So I can, in a way, relate to what you said about not understanding people or emotions.

One piece of advice I can give is just take pride that you are a person (and not just a blob of a person) that has hobbies that define you, for example gaming, making graphics and writing. Branch off of that, it's what I do when I talk to people. For example, you can relate to someone very simply by asking: "Hey, do you like video games?" if so, they may go on and on about it with you. If not, then on to the next person. Then if they don't care about what you have to say, move onto the next. I've found it works well in my case at work. I've made 3 friends there all simply because I love Skyrim and I mentioned it. Relating through hobbies, especially one that you do often, is the way I've made and kept a few friends. Granted, I don't have alot of real life friends because I don't care for drama. But you are correct in saying you don't care for it being just one sided, I'll be darned if I stay in a friendship that's just one-sided. I don't have time for that. I applaud you in saying that. (As for making friends online, I post to add me comms sometimes. Like I'll put my name, my current job, my hobbies, my fandoms and likes in a post and post it to the comm. Sometimes I get people asking to befriend me, sometimes I don't, but that's how I've found I can relate to people online, by mentioning hobbies.)
(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*: ・゚✧: Code Geassbluecherrybomb on February 20th, 2016 02:10 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I'm pretty sensitive too about things and relationships like that just... confuse me. Because I don't know what to say. What do you say? And then people tell you you're socially inept and you get even more confused.

And I'm taking your advice, ha ha. I figure you are right. Maybe getting involved with people who share my hobbies will work. Eventually. So far, I think I'm going to just be sitting around for a while with no responses but maybe someone will hit me up.
theglassunicorn on February 27th, 2016 08:36 am (UTC)
Talk to me instead, Amanda! I'm genuinely interested in what you have to say :3

Excuse my creepiness...but seriously, I've had the exact same experience as you when it comes to one-sided friendships. Well, pretty much my entire collection of friends at this point, I suppose. But we can't keep blaming ourselves. I like to look at it as not having had a chance to meet a whole lot of people in life. There's nothing wrong with you nor me, it's just the quality of people we had happened to be surrounded by. Orrrr it could be the inverse and that we're both weird, but others are not weird enough for us. But my point still stands.

I agree with the other commenter: take pride in the stuff you love, and just be you! I know it's easier said than done...I struggle with 'being myself' everyday, and it's so much harder for me because I have so few interests and I'm still stuck in the late 1990's when it comes to pop culture lol...but not without some hope that there is somebody out there who is as backwards and stupid as I am and whom I can form some kind of bond with. Because there is always that tiny, tiny margin, that at least there is one friend out of seven billion people in the world who will listen.
(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*: ・゚✧bluecherrybomb on February 27th, 2016 09:07 pm (UTC)
Aha... I don't think I have much interesting things to say to be honest.

It is hard when you're that person. But I'm glad you have a good attitude about it!

And sometimes I wonder if there is someone else out there who will listen. There may be 7 billion people on earth, but our cultures all separate us into basically smaller groups. Then when you filter your interests, it gets smaller. Then you're stuck sitting there quietly wondering... *sighs*